The baby parrot my sister owned

When I was a kid, my sister badly wanted to have a pet and since our rental situation did not support having cats/dogs, she resorted to have a parrot.  The first parrot we had, flew away one day when it found a chance.  My sister's desire to have a pet that will stay permanently with us grew much stronger and this time my uncle cut the wings of a baby parrot and brought it home to satisfy her.  It made the parrot grow into depression and it always looked like an angry vulture ready to attack even if you offer food.  It was never a happy experience to have that parrot around.  We could not keep it for more than a year as it started attacking the kids who visited us.  I just remember giving it back to my uncle and don't know what happened to that parrot but I knew for sure cutting the wings changed that young parrot forever.

A lot of times, we all tend to become those parrots when we feel tired and frustrated with helpless situations.  Only difference, the parrot could not express it's frustration in words but in lot other cases the words are of no use.  We try to tame our loved ones as we want without considering the impact it can have on the other person.  It makes our loved ones sore and bitter; how can a relationship thrive in such an unforgiving environment?  Who is the loser here?

Uncertain Moments

It has been tumultuous journey for the past few years and it has reached it's peak at this moment.  My spouse has quit his job (rather forced by circumstances to quit his job) in a hope that we can manage with my new job for sometime until his new business venture starts making money.  In spite of the decrease in our net income, we were quite excited about the upcoming change and felt hopeful about our future.  It was then the news broke about my new company going to be acquired by a bigger company.  In other words, my new job may not be there after six months and here we are, relying on this unstable job.

It took a very long time and immense persuasion to bring that confidence in my husband to start his own venture.  Now this is not the best time to take a step back because of the changed circumstances.  I'm not quite certain this change is going to work for us but this is the best chance I have at this moment.  I can absorb some personal failures but I can't expect the same from my husband.  After all, it took these many years of convincing him to take a step forward.

As usual, I'm left alone with my fears and insecurities and I'm trying my best not to let it eat me away.  After all, I have fought this long, now is not the time to give up.  Life has been throwing a lot of lemons at me and when I'm tired of making lemonades, I will resort to making lemon pickles.  Trust me, I have those many lemons in my collection.

The most unfortunate part in this whole deal is that I don't have a shoulder to rest on and not a person to wipe my tears and give me an affirmation that it will all be okay.

Recently, my perspective about life is slowly changing and I'm glad that my mind has started accepting what it has known for a while.  It's all about the journey and feeling alive during this journey; it's never about the destination.  I may never know what this life is all about and what I'm searching for in this finite lifetime but it's important to keep the search going.  I may die one day without finding anything at the end of it but knowing that I carried myself well during this journey will help me rest peacefully.

One thing I wanted the most in my life is to have a life partner who will be my best friend and a trustworthy companion to make this journey enjoyable but lately I realized that our paths are different.  We are still following parallel paths with no common junction to join at some point.  There are a lot of external factors that dictated the tone of our relationship and  there are a lot of people in our marriage.  It's suffocating to have those many in a small space, so we naturally grew apart.  I was hurting and crying for a long time and eventually lost the hope that it can get better.

I was a happy person before I got married and just because my marriage did not turn out to be what I wanted, I need not be an unhappy and angry person.  So I decided to become emotionally independent of my husband and it made me come to peace with my life.  It all comes with a price, I feel lonely all the time.  Until my daughter becomes old enough to understand delicate emotions, I still have hope.  The journey will continue, maybe this time it will be with my daughter until she finds another hitchhiker.